


lee jeno is a catch

by dabin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Genderfluid Character, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, i dont know what im doing, idk ig, im sorry guys, jaemin is the supportive best friend we all need, lapslock, markmin? hmmmmm, nb!jaemin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:41:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dabin/pseuds/dabin
Summary: jeno reckons his lack of a significant other is because of his extremely bad luck, or good luck if you’re looking at it like jaemin does. they believe that it's a miracle that jeno has survived all of the near death experiences he has endured in his 20 years of existence. jaemin is an optimist.





	1. before

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know dont ask me  
> this was meant to be a one shot but imma split it bc i started writing this at 1am while washing dishes bc i love nohyuck but i fell asleep and here we are, incomplete
> 
> sorry for any typos im dumb, lapslock is intended

lee jeno is a catch.

 

aged 21, no hereditary chronic illnesses, was on the track team in high school, no baby mamas and has a cute smile. a catch right?

 

he volunteers at animal shelters and is extremely accepting - he cried of joy when jaemin came out to him as non-binary, happy that his best friend of 10 years trusted him enough to tell him something so important before they even told their mother. anyone would like to have someone like him as a boyfriend, correct?

 

jaemin, always one to boost their best friend’s ego, says that his lack of significant other is because his looks are so otherworldly that it intimidates people. mark, his current roommate and former upperclassman in high school track & field says it’s because he always looks friendly and smiles so much that it seems insincere and fake. (“you’re just saying that because when you smile, you look like someone has shoved lemons up your ass, leave jeno alone!” “shut it jaemin, don’t you have your own dorm to be irritating in?”)

 

jeno reckons it’s really because of his extremely bad luck, or good luck if you’re looking at it like jaemin does. they believe that it's a miracle that jeno has survived all of the near death experiences he has endured in his 20 years of existence. jaemin is an optimist.

 

see, jeno has been on dates with a lot of… questionable and intriguing people (blame jaemin, their never ending contact list and their experience in persuading people to do stupid things), personalities varying from egotistic to demure to outright psychotic. the closest he got to what one could call a match was huang renjun, an art history major, fairy-like in looks but held a very fiery personality. that, however, didn’t work out due to him being jaemin’s roommate, a line that jeno was very unwilling to cross and for that reason, it became a detail that jaemin purposefully left out when “briefing” jeno before their first date. long story short, one day they returned to renjun’s dorm building after a date, not so innocent tensions high between the two and ended up walking into jaemin dancing with hina - one of the members of their dance club - to galaxy supernova in matching yellow dungaree dresses and yoonoh hyung’s basketball jersey, with a fluorescent pink face mask on and their fringe tied up to resemble a palm tree. 

 

mood ruined (for both those entering the dorm and those already there) and faces red with embarrassment, jeno and renjun mutually decided that it would be best they stayed friends, and to this very day, refuse to acknowledge that night. 

 

it all worked out in the end for renjun, him ending up in the cutest (and most unexpected) relationship with the 6ft something human embodiment of puppies and sunshine, hong kong exchange student wong yukhei. as for jeno he’s been single ever since, not particularly bothered by being ‘alone’ but slightly confused about the reasons why.

  
  
  
  


“i guess your face just attracts weird.” jaemin shrugged as they lay in the middle of jeno’s small dorm floor, playing animal crossing on jeno’s outdated 3ds.

 

from his perch on top of the adjacent counter housing nothing but a single toaster and empty ramen cups, jeno glared at them. “and people say that ugly attracts money and here you are, still broke and still leeching off of yoonoh hyung’s weird infatuation with you. plus you’re the one who keeps setting me up with these people, you have no room to talk.”

 

jaemin snorted, sitting up and packing the 3ds into the front pocket of the infamous yellow dungaree dress, ignoring jeno’s subsequent protests (“hey! you can’t take that, i have an appointment at drift’s house at 3!”) “ _ ecoutez-ici mon ami, _ ” the boy on the counter rolled his eyes at the obnoxious use of french, “i am just looking out for you. i don’t want to watch you waste away, lonely and sad. like mark hyung.”

 

as if summoned by the slander of his lack of relationship status, mark popped his head into the dorm, his seagull like eyebrows furrowing. “hey, i heard that.”

 

jaemin, not even sparing him a glance continued, “and is it really my fault that yoonoh hyung can’t resist my charms and feels the need to buy me food all the time?”

 

mark carried on slipping into the room, suspiciously checking behind him before closing the door. jeno and jaemin looked at each other, weary of mark’s strange but unsurprising behaviour.

 

“uhm, hyung? why are you acting like there is an fbi agent on your trail?” jeno asked his roommate, who still stood by the door, head peeking out every 2 minutes.

 

“they probably found out about jisung being his brother, did you know he tried to hack into the traffic control department’s servers last week because he got a speeding ticket with mrs. lee’s car?” jaemin faux whispered conspiratorially, shaking their head whilst they mentally recalled mark’s younger brother’s panicked voice over the phone, explaining his antics.

 

mark whipped his head towards the two, “sungie was driving mum’s car? and got a ticket?” he asked in confusion. the tall boy was normally too anxious to go over 20km per hour, nevermind with their mother’s prized 1996 teal chevrolet.

 

“he was with chenle.” jaemin retorted, now standing next to jeno who still sat on the small counter, searching through the dorm cupboard for something edible that wasn’t ramen or canned ravioli.

 

“that explains it. chenle and her dolphin laughs never fail to hypnotise jisung into doing the dumbest things. anyway no, it’s not the fbi, it’s something worse.” mark shuddered at the thought of whoever - or whatever - had been chasing him. 

 

“a shower demon?”

 

“sooyoung noona with a beard?”

 

“chenle!”

 

“baekhyun sunbaenim naked!”

 

“i don’t think baekhyun sunbaenim would look bad at all naked.” jaemin leisurely paced along the space between the boys’ respective sides of the small dorm and held their chin in their left hand, trying to conjure up the image of the show choir vocal trainer sans clothes, the sight of them doing so causing mark to groan in frustration. 

 

“no you idiots, i accidentally stole donghyuck’s pudding cup in the caf and now he’s chasing me down with a spork.”

 

_ donghyuck?  _ jeno thought to himself, his brain trying to put a face to the name he recognised while jaemin and mark argued about the semantics behind accidental thievery and the caf’s lack of variety of pudding flavours in the background, weirdly sounding like his subconscious arguing with itself when he’s trying to decide whether buying groceries is more important than buying weed from that japanese hyung from hongik u.

 

“jeno, are you okay? you look like you’re thinking and we all know that’s difficult for you.” jaemin remarked, pouting at jeno with a sense of fake sympathy. 

 

he rolled his eyes and threw an empty ramen cup of jaemin’s head. “no asshole, i was trying to think of who donghyuck is.”

 

mark and jaemin’s eyes comically widened in sync, staring at jeno incredulously. 

 

“what do you mean, _who donghyuck is?_ he’s been over here more times than i can count!” mark asked, shook by this new revelation that his roommate doesn’t know who his _best friend_ is. “you know, donghyuck. the red head tan guy who studies at k’arts and is always singing along to drama osts and wears the same green hoodie all the time?”

 

jeno shakes his head, his brain failing to connect the dots.  _ what an airhead,  _ jaemin endearingly thought to themself, watching their best friend desperately rack his head for an idea of who they were talking about.

 

“ah!” jeno clicked his fingers after a minute of awkward silence, “is it that person who’s always here on thursdays?”

 

_ of course that’s the only thing he could remember,  _ mark rolled his eyes. “yeah, that one.”

 

jeno sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and smiles at mark, “sorry hyung, i was probably high or asleep everytime he came around, that’s why i can’t remember his face.” 

 

jaemin barks out a laugh, “you schedule these things? wow, i never thought i would see the day lee jeno is organised with something in his life.” 

 

he frowns and threw another empty ramen cup at jaemin’s head, who manages to move out the way this time round. mark, who had left the two to their antics and was lounging on his bed, pipes up from his side of their small dorm room, “that isn’t surprising. donghyuck did comment on how you were always passed out or suspiciously still when he was over.”

 

“yeah, i tend to zone out when i’m high.”

 

jaemin, now back on the floor playing animal crossing, scoffed, “you always zone out. it’s okay though, i still love you even if you’re an airhead.”

 

“hey!”

  
  
  
  


“whoever thought making chemistry a subject has it out for me,” jeno groaned, head falling into his 7cm thick organic chemistry textbook. 

 

sat next to him in the local library was renjun, who hit the back of his head and retorted, “don’t act like you're not the one who very willingly chose biochem as a major. now hurry up, you said you needed to go to the labs and i have a date in 20 mins.” 

 

after groaning into the pages, he lifted his head, peeking at the watch on renjun’s wrist and groaned again, realising that he had all but 15 minutes to cycle back to campus and somehow beg his professor to let him use the lab after closing time. “my life is a tragedy, renjun. why wasn’t i born with artistic skill so i could do something easy like art history.”

 

renjun made a noise of indignation and hit jeno again, this time with his own pencil case. “you asshole, art history isn’t easy! writing essays about dead white men who beefed with one another because of the way someone painted isn’t what i’d call fun. plus there are only so many museum trips one can tolerate.”

 

“haha,” jeno smiled at renjun sheepishly, who jokingly rolled his eyes, “i’m sorry. i’m sure it isn’t easy at all, i just feel like if i look at another chemical equation i’ll hurl.” 

 

the two of them started to pack away jeno’s things scattered around the round table they sat at, renjun having only been there as ‘moral support’ (although he was aware that jeno knew he really came because his dorm’s wifi router had mysteriously disappeared, and so had to utilise the crappy library internet connection.)

 

“so you and yukhei hyung? still going strong.” jeno asked with the awkwardness that only a kind-of-sort-of-ex-whose-now-your-close-friend could pull off.

 

renjun’s cheeks involuntarily started to tint pink as the chinese boy continued to collect the various papers and pencils scattered around them. “yeah, he’s picking me up from the fountain in the square. it’ll be 3 months soon.”

 

“ah, that’s cool. i’m really happy for you two.” a somewhat comfortable silence fell over them as they tidied up. “ah! i have to run now, my prof will be leaving campus soon and i have to catch him to get the lab card. thanks for the ‘moral support’ though.” jeno looked at the clock on the wall, turned and flashed his iconic eye smile at the still pink faced boy at the table before hurriedly running out of the library towards his bicycle parked against a lamppost.

 

he feels a buzz against his back, and swings his bag to his front to reach for his phone. 

  
  


**[ na jaemin matchmaker extraordinare ]**

 

**jaemin :** oi oi oi oi 

**jaemin :** jeno openthe doooooooooooorrrrrrrrrr

**jaemin :** jeno why are u not home

**jaemin :** u have no friends why are u out of ur dorm

**jaemin :** i cant believe i took 2 whole buses and u arent even here

[15.07]

  
  


what do u WANT

why did i only just get these messages

no one asked u to go to my place excuse me

UHm i do have friends other than u

[16.30]

 

**jaemin :** lol i sent them w/o realising i didnt have data

**jaemin :** n i would have sent a msg before leaving my dorm but i think hyunjin n that australian dude stole renjun n my wifi router

**jaemin :** bitch WHO

**jaemin :** mark doesnt count plus he was at the dorm

 

renjun is my friend

?

 

**jaemin :** oh please

**jaemin :** that barely counts u guys are like 

**jaemin :** awkward but close friends/exes idk how to explain it

 

its not that awkward

i was w renjun today at the library

he helped me w my organic chem

 

**jaemin :** h o w

**jaemin :** th e last time he did chemistry was 4 years ago

 

how do u know that

n he wasnt helping me in that way

he was making sure i didnt procrastinate

 

**jaemin :** again

**jaemin :** h o w

**jaemin :** renjun is the king of procrastination

**jaemin :** he once pulled an all nighter to finish a painting analysis essay due for the next fucking day

**jaemin :** and by finish i mean he hadnt started in the first place

 

he just hit me everytime i tried to do smth else

wow we stan a multitalented king

anyway why did u wanna see me are u still in my dorm

 

**jaemin :** im still in ur dorm but i might leave bc mark said yoonoh hyung is coming over

 

where will u go

i can meet u smwhere else if u want

r u avoiding yoonoh hyung

did he do smth 

i could totally fight him if u want me to

 

**jaemin :** meet me at the chicken tent by ur dorm then

**jaemin :** shdhgdhd no 

**jaemin :** i just look ugly today

 

?

ur always ugly tho lololololol

okeyokey i gott go to the lab first n see if i can get the key

i was meant to go today but i can go tmrw

 

**jaemin :** jSHSDH SHUT 

**jaemin :** ok~ dont die on that bike of urs lolol 

**jaemin :** u’ll find me inside the restaurant!

read [16:45]

  
  
  
  


“ah jeno!” jaemin waved at him from inside the tent, sunshine in their smile but otherwise looking like they hadn’t slept in a week. “you took so long i thought you had actually gotten run down while on your death contraption of a bicycle.”

 

jeno sat down at the table, shrugging off his denim jacket while trying to catch his breath. “oh shut up, just because you gave up learning how to ride because you fell once when you were 11, doesn’t make it a death contraption. and why do you look so… dead.” he looked jaemin up and down worriedly.

 

jaemin took their hood off their head and ran their hand through the peach bird’s nest they called hair. “well, i wasn’t joking when i said i look ugly today. dance practice ran late yesterday and i still had a theory assignment to finish. anyway, we aren’t here to talk about me, we are here because i have a solution to you being lonely!”

 

“why does it matter? and i am not lonely, you’re single too!” jeno exclaimed, after politely smiling at the old lady taking their orders.

 

“i am not single, my relationship status is just… uncertain. i’m still figuring it out.” they fiddle with their hoodie strings tied into a bow. “and don’t lie, you are lonely, i see the way you look at renjun and yukhei hyung when they are around!” 

 

the black haired boy sighs and rubs his eyes, “jaemin-ah, that isn’t out of sadness. i’m happy for them, really. now who are you setting me up with this time?”

  
  
  
  
  


“now are you sure that you haven’t left out any information? like you did last time.” jeno pointedly looked at jaemin who sat on his bed, looking him up and down approvingly.

 

jaemin rolled their eyes and grumbled at the tone of disbelief in their best friend’s voice, while mark barked out a laugh, mentally recalling jeno’s freverent ranting that took place after he returned to the dorm that fateful evening. “why would i make that mistake again? you refused to talk to me for a week and i was stuck having to either hang out with yoonoh hyung or listen to renjun wax poetic about yukhei hyung’s big d-”

 

“okay! that’s enough,” mark interrupted and hopped off his desk chair, walking to where jeno stood in front of their mirror clad closet door and stood next to him, hanging his arm around the boy’s shoulder reassuringly. “don’t stress jeno, you look great and this date will end perfectly fine, right jaemin?” he turned his head to jaemin who had curled up with one of jeno’s pillows. “jaemi- JAEMIN.”

 

jaemin flinched from the sudden raise in volume and promptly sat up on the bed where he had started to doze off, “yeah yeah of course.”

 

mark rolled his eyes and turned back to jeno, “you see. there’s no need to worry, now go before you end up late and get ditched.” he pushed him towards the front door of their closet of a dorm room, swinging it open and slamming it shut after pushing jeno out of the doorway.

  
  


**[ na jaemin matchmaker extraordinare ]**

 

**jaemin :** good luck boo ily

 

choke

read [14.09]

 

catching the attention of a passerby in the dorm hallway, jeno sighed deeply, internally accepting his fate of having to go on horrible dates with jaemin’s strange acquaintances for the rest of his sad life, and started to make his way to the overpriced starbucks where his mystery date awaited.


	2. after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> being the dramatic person he was, the boy ran his hand through his auburn hair and smiled, putting the same hand out for a hand shake. “lee haechan, tarot card reader, waiter and overall king of being multitalented. at your service."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot twist!! 
> 
> haha im sorry this took long but hey! im officially done w high school! dont expect regular updates to i double d dare u tho lol

 

in the end, jeno with his poor luck concerning romantic matters, was the one left waiting. and waiting. and waiting.

 

embarrassed and downtrodden, he refused to leave his spot by the cafe window, hope that his date, a nice girl going by the name of hyeyeon, might eventually turn up (whether he would bring up her being late by over 30 minutes, he wasn’t too sure) and pride, as he had been making constant eye contact with a cocky looking (but pretty) waiter who looked at him with a strange mix of pity and amusement. as he continued to unsubtly size the waiter up, his phone vibrated, shocking him out of his stupor at the endless stretch of tan skin on the arrogant boy’s legs.

  


**[ unknown number ]**

  


**unknown :** hi is this jeno

its hyeyeon

 

oh

hi

 

yeah hi

sorry i cant make it

 

oh uhm

thats okay

can i ask why?

 

uuuhhhhhhhhhhhh

imma be real with you chief

 

ch-chief

im

 

im kind of very homosexual

but jaemin isnt aware, leading to such a sticky situation haha

but you’re cute! im sure a non-lesbian girl would totally like you!!!

so yeah

sorry again!

maybe we can hang out as friends!

 

thank you?

[read 14.27]

  


**[ na jaemin matchmaker extraordinare ]**

 

i HATE YOU

I HOPE U CHOKE ON THE FANCY BREADSTICKS YOONOH HYUNG ALWAYS BUYS YOU

[read 14.31]

  


shook by the sudden turn of events jeno sunk back into his chair, watching the ice in his americano melt and waste away, much like his resolve to exist anymore. waiter boy however, seemed to have had enough of watching jeno steep in an invisible pot filled with angst and hopelessness, and quickly made his way to the still zoned out male.

 

he pats him on the shoulder. “dude, are you okay?” jeno notes the lilt of his honey like voice being familliar, but merely responds with a nod, blaming the recognition on his mental state slowly deteriorating. the waiter internally groans not only at the pitiful site before him, but at the confirmation of his suspicions of jeno not _actually_ knowing who he was. _might as well take advantage of the situation, right?_ he thinks to himself.

 

he pulls out the chair parallel to jeno’s and plops onto it, not caring about how he could get fired (again) for taking too many breaks. “listen my guy, i can see you are in quite a predicament. failed dates and whatnot, right? and being the benevolent god that i am, i’m willing to help. plus, your sadness is messing up the whole ‘family wholesomeness’ thing we have going on in here.”

 

jeno nearly snaps his neck looking up at the now smirking boy in front of him, eyes narrowed at the (accurate) suggestion that his love life was in need of help and at the suggestion that starbucks, of all places, would have ‘familly wholesomeness’ vibes. “sorry, do i know you?”

 

being the dramatic person he was, the boy ran his hand through his auburn hair and smiled, putting the same hand out for a hand shake. “lee haechan, tarot card reader, waiter and overall king of being multitalented. at your service.”

 

 _someone has watched Goblin a little too much._ jeno hesitates before shaking his hand. “i’m jeno. what do you mean by-”

 

he is interrupted by the sudden appearance of tarot cards being shuffled in haechan’s nimble, ring clad hands and laid out in front of him, just missing the puddle of water created by the condensation of jeno’s watered down americano.

 

“lee jeno-ssi,” jeno raises his eyebrows at the sound of his surname, trying to recall whether he had told him what it was, “choose three cards.”

 

surprised - and flustered by how attractive it looks on him - by haechan’s sudden serious demeanor, he taps on three cards timidly, allowing himself to be sucked into his mystical (and bullshit, unbeknownst to jeno, of course) facade. haechan picks the cards up and places them face down on the table, humming under his breath the tune of _my funny valentine_. jeno chose to refrain from mentally commenting on it slightly ruining the ‘aura’ around them, opting to continue to stare at the shadows cast by his eyelashes on the admittedly cute boy’s cheeks.

 

haechan sighs sharply, surprising jeno and causing him to look away from the tip of his cute nose (it seemed that the only word his one (1) braincell could come up with to describe haechan was cute.)

 

“lee jeno-ssi, to put it bluntly, your love life is a mess. being stood up and ending up in awkward situations seems to be your forte. going on a date with friend’s close acquiantances? not a good idea. you are an taurus sun, correct? don’t worry, the stars say your love troubles will be over soon, just make sure to remember keep a clear and unpolluted mind, pay attention to your surroundings, more so to the people associated with those close to you.”

 

 _clear mind? people around me?_ jeno thinks to himself, shock pulsing through him at the scarily correct, impromptu reading he just received, not even realising that none of the tarot cards he had chosen had been turned over and that haechan had been tracing shapes onto his wrist the entire time.

 

haechan smirked at the sheer confusion written on the handsome but dumb boy’s face, getting up to leave with his cards.

 

“wait!” jeno grabbed onto his tan wrist. “can i have your number?” a furious pink took over the skin of his ears and cheeks as he asked, internally rueing the very day he was born as embarrasment overtook his body.

 

the boy knowingly but softly smiled at jeno, “don’t worry about it.” he walked away from the table, leaving jeno dumbfounded at his mysteriousness - and at the sight of his long legs in his work uniform’s shorts. _were those shorts that short when i first saw them?_

 

he runs a hand through his black hair, noticing the many notifications of jaemin’s incessant messages when he realises a tarot card still lay face down on the table and picks it up, an uncontrollable grin stretching across his face. he looks up towards the front counter and sees haechan looking at him with a shy smile on his face before disappearing to the back of the cafe.

 

_the sun._

 

_call me sometime? 010-xxx-xxxx_

_haechan_ ☀

  
  
  


“and that’s what happened. so thank you jaemin, through your annoying obsession with me getting a significant other, i have found the man of my dreams.”  


jaemin and mark, suspiciously cuddled together on the latter’s bed opposite where jeno sat, looked like how one’s parents might look at them after catching eat peanut butter from the tub at 3 in the morning - not surprised but certainly fed up at the display of stupidity in front of them.

 

“so wait,” mark backtracks in hopes that jeno will connect the dots himself, “you met this guy, who knew everything about your sad love life, who had long legs and tan skin, who had a voice you could _recognise_ but you swear you don’t know who he is.” jaemin harshly sighs from their position leaning onto mark’s chest and sat between his legs and mutters to themself, _this is what phrases like_ **_dumb dick energy_ ** _exists,_ their english surprisingly crisp and understandable.

 

jeno just nods, not understanding what exactly was wrong with what mark just said. _dumb dick energy indeed_ , mark thinks, rolling his eyes. “haechan is donghyuck, jeno. that’s why he had tan skin and a voice ‘like honey’ as you so wonderfully described. plus i’m pretty sure he’s given you a tarot card reading before, i think you were half asleep though.”

 

“and the reason why he knew all those things was because when you’re high, all you do complain.” jaemin adds, hoping that their friend will understand the situation.

 

it all dawns on him, like a wave of cold water against his back, leaving him stuck between feeling dumb for getting played like that and feeling dumb for being a blushing mess in front of his roommate’s best friend who was cute and had witnessed him melting into his seat out of embarrassment. he gasps loudly and points at his friends in front of him - who had somehow gotten even closer as jeno had been coming to his life changing realisations.

 

“ah! i knew i had seen those legs before!”

 

yep. dumb dick energy was the only explanation for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the reference to goblin refers to how the character sunny introduces herself to kim-jeoseungsaja (the grim reaper dure, lee dong wook this one's for u), if u havent seen goblin, WATCH it gong yoo is good for the soul
> 
> and if u couldnt guess lol donghyuck's advice to jeno was pretty much him saying "stop getting high so much an notice me!!!! im your roommate's bestie u dumb beautiful boy!" and the sun tarot card with his number? like half of the cards in his stack are the same and all have his number on it, specially prepared for situations like this sjdhd
> 
> gotta support my bab hyeyeon who used to be in gugudan but left to focus on school i love her
> 
> anyway this is dedicated to my wife i love u uwuwuwu shitty chatfics (specifically mine) and donghyuck brought us together n yeah!! thank u for reading! i will write more one shots n stuff in this universe, still gotta explain the markmin muehehe  
> thank u for reading! talk to me on twt @baldctzen

**Author's Note:**

> hope u like it shdjhdj im bad at prose  
> idk when i will update this im actually doing exams rn and i wrote this so that i wouldnt study lmao  
> hit me up on twt @ baldctzen ayyyyyy


End file.
